That’s my favorite image from one of the most beautiful movies ever, Godard’s Alphaville. Today, I thought of a certain scene from it (the image above is taken from it), and was very happy to find it on Youtube. If you asked me what things have been like lately, what everything has felt like, I’d show you this scene to explain it all to you, and you’d know:
After I watched it a couple of times, and cried a little bit, I decided that I’d go watch the film again, but was disappointed to find out that I don’t own it. I really thought that I did. I have a lot of Godard’s films, but not that one, apparently. Ah, well. I think that I’ll buy the Criterion version with a gift card that I got for Christmas.
The snow melted a bit today. I was able to make it back here to my apartment the other day, but now my car is stuck here. I hope that I can get it out tomorrow, maybe. Thankfully, I’m on Christmas break, so I don’t have to go to work.
Christmas itself was good. My parents gave me some wonderful gifts, I had fun with my cousins, and I discovered that I’m pretty good at Wii Boxing, weirdly enough! Here’s me with straight hair, taken on Christmas eve:
I love having straight hair.
& Taken tonight, still straight, but now very messy:
Oh, how I love that blouse/that jumper/that hat!
I feel melancholy tonight, partially because I’m tired of being stuck here. I have definitely been enjoying myself, enjoying my alone time, and getting some things done, but I haven’t been sleeping well, and I haven’t been eating well (I don’t really know whether or not I’ve eaten anything of substance today) and I miss being around certain people.
But, at the same time, I feel strangely awakened lately, optimistic, less afraid of myself, maybe? I don’t want this feeling of being more alive and more awake to go away. It’s as if I’m struggling to keep my head above water that I really don’t want to drown in. I know that I belong above the surface, that I can get there if I try, but it’s always such a struggle. And I don’t want to have to be afraid of drowning all of the time. I want it to be easier. Just a little bit easier, please.
I need to figure things out, but I don’t even know where or how to start.
I’m dreadfully behind on everything. I will be sending out Christmas cards soon, and catching up with online things, etc.
Thanks for reading. xo